Week 14 : Peer Evaluation 2

Evaluation for 20708 - http://20708hyojeong.blogspot.kr/

Grade
According to the rubric above, what grade would you give this essay? Why?
4점. 근거가 약한것 같다.

How does this essay need to improve to get a better grade?
문단구분이 애매하다. 읽기에는 편하지만 classical argument를 따르고 있는지 파악하기 힘들다

Thesis
What is the thesis?
The lie detector is not accurate to use in the court as the evidence.

Is the thesis clear and debatable?
Yes

If you (The reviewer) wrote this essay, how would you have written the thesis?
The lie detector is not an accurate method to confirm the truth.

Any other thoughts?
없다.

Classical Argument
Can you easily identify the 5 parts of the classical argument? If no, what parts are missing?
Yes

Does the introduction catch your attention? Does it comfortably lead to the thesis?
거짓말 탐지기에 대한 소개가 너무 많은것 같다. thesis와 연결되는 부분이 어색하다.  그래도 잘썼다.

Does the narration give all the necessary background information to understand the topic?
거짓말 탐지기에 대한 이해를 돕는 자료가 많이있다.

Does the confirmation adequately support the thesis?
주장별로 읽기 쉽게 나뉘어져 있는점이 좋다. 하지만 2번째와 3번째의 의견이 비슷해 보이는 경향이 있다. 조금 더 근거를 많이 사용하여 주장을 뒷받침하면 해결될것 같다.
Does the refutation and concession address a realistic counterpoint? Does it adequately dispute the counterpoint, or respond in a reasonable manner?
Yes

Does the conclusion summarize the article and address the larger significance of the thesis?
사례(?)를 사용하여 인상깊은 결말을  쓴것같다.

What suggestions do you have for improving the classical argument structure?
문단을 정확히 나누면 더 좋은 글이 될것같다.

Persuasion
When you started reading the essay, did you agree or disagree with the thesis?
I agreed.
When you finished the essay, did you agree or disagree with the thesis?
I still agreed

If your mind changed, why? What parts of the essay were persuasive?
3가지로 나눠진 반박부분이 제일 설득력있었다.
How could the author enhance the persuasive parts of their essay?


Research
Is the author using research effectively?
Yes

Is the research from appropriate sources?
Yes

Are the sources obvious?
그런것같다.

Are the pieces of evidence relevant to the thesis or essay?
key word인 거짓말 탐지기의 역할위주의 자료를 사용하였으므로 적절하다
Are there any parts of the essay that need evidence to support the claims?
주장을 뒷받침할( 거짓말 탐지기가 쓰이면 안되는 이유) 과학적인 근거가 더 있으면 좋을것같다.

Week 14 : Peer Evaluation 1

Evaluation for 20707     -  http://20707hanbyeoliii.blogspot.kr/

GradeAccording to the rubric above, what grade would you give this essay? Why?5점. 서론부분을 특히 잘 썼고 충분한 자료조사에 입각해서 쓴 것같아서 근거가 탄탄하다.

How does this essay need to improve to get a better grade?
지금도 충분히 잘 썼지만 더 좋은 글이 되려면  you 또는 we  라는 주어를 사용하지 않아야 한다.

Thesis
What is the thesis?
We should not experiment on animal.

Is the thesis clear and debatable?
Yes. 


If you (The reviewer) wrote this essay, how would you have written the thesis?
우리는 제품을 만들 때 동물실험을 하면 안된다.


Any other thoughts?
없다


Classical Argument
Can you easily identify the 5 parts of the classical argument? If no, what parts are missing?
알아보기 쉽게 5파트로 나뉘어 있다.

Does the introduction catch your attention? Does it comfortably lead to the thesis?
매우매우 인상깊었다. 자연스럽게 thesis로 유도했다. introduction부분이 제일 좋다고 할 수 있을만큼.

Does the narration give all the necessary background information to understand the topic?
그렇다. 동물실험과 관련된 배경지식을 많이 적어두었다.

Does the confirmation adequately support the thesis?
동물실험을 했을때의 부정적인 면에 비해  동물실험이 아닌 실험을 했을때 어떤점이 좋은지 조금밖에 나와있지 않다.


Does the refutation and concession address a realistic counterpoint? Does it adequately dispute the counterpoint, or respond in a reasonable manner?
잘 반박하고 있다 하지만 동물실험에 대해 반박하면서 다른 '구체적인' 방법이 제시되었으면 더 좋았을것같다.

Does the conclusion summarize the article and address the larger significance of the thesis?
Yes

What suggestions do you have for improving the classical argument structure?
지금도 충분히 형식에 맞게 썼다.
PersuasionWhen you started reading the essay, did you agree or disagree with the thesis?
I agreed

When you finished the essay, did you agree or disagree with the thesis?
I agreed

If your mind changed, why? What parts of the essay were persuasive?
안바뀜

How could the author enhance the persuasive parts of their essay?
 ResearchIs the author using research effectively?
Yes

Is the research from appropriate sources?
Yes

Are the sources obvious?
Yes

Are the pieces of evidence relevant to the thesis or essay?
Yes!!!!!!

Are there any parts of the essay that need evidence to support the claims?
많은 자료를 사용하여 주장을 뒷받침하고 있기 때문에 이미 충분하다.